Annnd She's Back.

Dipping my toes back in.

I'm back! Oh my, how I've missed you 😭! Where did I go? What did I do? What did I eat these last two months? 

I've had two months of hardships and reflection.

Two months without writing a single thing.

Two months without cooking much. 

Two months of survival mode.

The end of last year was rough. When I went away on hiatus in November my intention was to take a brief break from writing and cooking to rest my weary, exhausted soul. I did get a break from writing, but didn’t get much rest. Soon after declaring I was taking some time off, the universe was like "Naaaah. Not so fast. Where you going?!".

Oh, where was I going? I was going to the ER at midnight with Mami (my grandmother), who fractured her hip in a sudden fall. The first week of December I found myself sitting in a highly overcrowded ER waiting room with a frantic 83-year-old writhing in pain. I spent 18 hours (36 hours in total awake) advocating for my grandma to get a room. She eventually got the room the following day and had partial hip surgery.

Was I out of the clear for rest? Nope. I spent every single day for the next month and a half at a nursing rehabilitation home, watching her regain her strength and learning how to walk again on her new semi-bionic hip. I became probably the youngest regular amongst the elderly. Most days were brutal. Her memory lapse caused by early signs of dementia seemed to get worst, and her appetite was completely gone. Long gone were the days that she'd eat food we made her. Instead, life was all about getting her to drink Ensure daily and counting her caloric intake.

Channeling my nursing home chic.

The rehabilitation center was a gorgeous campus right on the edge of the Hudson River. It felt like I was at a fancy retreat center in Upstate New York, surrounded by elderly folks in all shapes, sizes, and stages of their lives. The food provided by the home was not great, but what institutional food really is? By the end of her stay, she had lost several crucial pounds, and I had lost several crucial marbles in my head.

Fancy sculpture garden at the nursing home rehab.

Thankfully, Mami is fine now. She can walk again with the help of a fancy rolling walker that has a little seat for her to sit on. Her normal appetite is slowly returning, although her newfound love for Ensure will become a permanent fixture in her new life at home. 

Every day I tried to write but couldn’t find the mental strength to do so. I found myself having far too many existential thoughts about our eternally aging bodies and who will care for me when I can no longer care for myself (being in a nursing home day in and day out will do that to you). Time away from work made me realize how burnt out I was and how I will have to change that dynamic heading into the year. Let’s just say I went through a two-month phase of deep and sometimes uncomfortable reflection.

All that seriousness aside, I’ve missed this newsletter and connecting with you all. I have a lot of good stuff in the works for Food For Thought. I recorded new BURNT podcast episodes for paid subscribers, reacquainted my waning appetite for Eating A-Z in NYC again (next week we hit up Colombia), and I have a host of other goodies lined up to hit your inboxes in the coming weeks, including a big ol’ giveaway - it’s been a while since I’ve sent a box of delicious goodies to a subscriber’s mailbox. 

P.S. As always, I am up for grabbing coffee and snacks with any NYC subscribers! It’s been a while since I’ve had normal conversations that don’t revolve around drinking Ensure, the crappy health care system, or stubborn grandmas!

Cook. Eat. Repeat. 💗✨

Natalie